this is a song from one of my favorite movies, 500 Days of Summer.  i have officially six minutes to compose this blog before i have to get ready for work.  so here goes.

i have been battling my insecurities since the beginning of this new relationship. am i good enough? why me? am i too damaged?  do i have too much emotional baggage?  i did not feel worthy of the amazing love my girl offers to me so openly and willingly.  i really could not feel more open and at home with anyone.  i even told her what i was mad about on the SAME day that it occurred…that is a huge indicator for me and for anyone else that knows me.

i know a man who does not even know the meaning of the word insecurity.  i wish i was more like that.  i am working on it.  i constantly ask if people are upset with me.  i worry if i am saying something wrong.  i made some huge mistakes in the past and i am trying not to repeat them.  i read something from a blog that i really liked….

by Mandy on “The Single Woman” Blog:

“And then it hit me. I had to say goodbye to HIM, so I could say hello to ME.

So, my friends, and especially my friends who are currently nursing a broken heart…you must remember this, if nothing else: You will find your smile again. You will get your groove back. You will love again. And you will be able to take where you’ve been and use it as a roadmap for where you’re going…and for where you’ll never go again. I did. And though I know in my heart I will never revisit him, or that version of me, again…I also know I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Because he helped create me. Every tear, every piece of my broken heart, every second of pain…are all colors on the canvas of my life. That relationship didn’t DEFINE me. It helped REFINE me. The ashes of the girl I used to be turned me into the diamond of the woman I am today.”

i have to keep telling myself….i am worthy. don’t be afraid. what you put out there will come back to you tenfold.  it already has.  i am amazed.

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