this is one of my latest videos, a collaboration with my friend, jino fort.  he is leaving soon to take part in the show “So You Think You Can Dance.”  he is one of the most creative men that i have ever met.  it comes so naturally for him.  it flows out of him like his dancing.  he was definitely born from a boombox.

i am really proud of the way this video turned out.  lately, my work has been requested and not something that has been a matter of circumstance.  i have always wondered whether i could produce artwork on demand.  now i do it every single day.  i used to wonder if i could handle criticism of my artwork by others because art is such a personal statement.  everything i create is an extension of myself.  the good. and the bad.  i know when there have been moments of genius. and i know when the work is mediocre at best.

and i have found that just like with personal criticism, the negative criticism is what i swallow whole.  i can take it better now than i did when i was younger, but it stays embedded in my mind. a friend of mine told me recently that i was “holding back.”  i knew when i read those words that they were true.  i know that i can produce photography that people will be happy with in the commercial sense.  but am i doing work that i am proud of, amazed by or happy with?  not yet. i want my work to take people’s breathe away. to be different. not just to be good, but to be great.

do not get me wrong.  i like the work that i have produced.  i know i am getting better.  i just know that i have not pushed myself beyond what is safe for me.  it is a reflection on my life right now.  in my personal life, i have been hiding behind my camera. my friends. my family.  even in dating and in making new friends, my true self has never been at risk. i am still me, but a watered down, prim and proper, me.  but until someone pushes to know the real me, i do not put it out there.  ask ME questions, i dare you. i know that my photos tell a story, that they inspire a feeling.  that is who i am.  i am a story, a feeling.

i will accept the compliment that i try to put forth a person’s “best you.”  i want people to see the beauty in people that i photograph. right now, i think i need to take a step back. a step away. listen to a friend’s advice.  and breathe.

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