this is going to be a “duh” kind of statement for those people who know me well.  i have trouble living in the present.  i am all about enjoying the moments of life while i am living them.  however, i have gotten in the habit of overanalyzing things after good things have occurred and laying blame upon myself when it may or may not be my fault.  i almost instantly assume that i have done something wrong, almost every time.  i am constantly saying “i’m sorry” for things that are not my fault.  it is a bad habit learned long ago. possibly from birth.

i was sitting on a swing the other day and the wind was blowing all around me.  it was just a wonderful feeling of relaxation.  i let my thoughts go and just let the warm wind envelop me.  simple moments like that need no extra thought.  it was God telling me to let go.  enjoy my life.  moment to moment.  i think i may have to have those words tattooed on my body to remember to live them out.  just let go.  i tend to dwell on the things that could have been and regret my words and actions, playing them over and over in my head.  in reality, things are going to happen as they should.  situations are what they are meant to become.  it is what it is.  accepting the present and letting go of the past is what i am learning to do.  embracing what is good in my life and not focusing on what is missing.  letting myself relax and falling in love with myself again. it is easier said than done.

“Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You’ll pay me back in kind and reap just what you’ve sown.”

- Adele – “Rolling In The Deep”

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